Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
