Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
