I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
