the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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