my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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