I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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