Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
