do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Panties = found
Randomize
