seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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