Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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