i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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