My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
