Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Panties = found
Randomize
