she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
