I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it was like his penis was on wheels.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize