Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
