What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
