my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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