So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
