Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
