i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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