She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
