Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
