well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
