make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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