The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
