we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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