can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
