i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my sisters under your porch take her home
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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