i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
