WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
