There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
