Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
