just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
