four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
