I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
