Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
