He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize