I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
