My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
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