she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
