i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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