i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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