She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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