My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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