Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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