Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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