So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
