i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
