You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
