It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
