why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
