I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
