Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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