you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
