Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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