I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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