I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
