so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
