Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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