is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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