I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
