your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
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used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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