the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
