Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just pee around me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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