is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
