Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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