my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
