No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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