all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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