i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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