I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize