she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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