This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
