I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
